Do you believe there is a part of yourself, deep inside in your mind, with things you don’t want other people to see?
I feel like a cad for not writing much as of late. I thought I had been lacking things to talk about and that was the cause of my writer’s block. Turns out that’s not the case. It’s the polar opposite. My mind is incredibly unfocused because I have too much to talk about actually. I came to this stunning realization watching The Ricky Gervais Show the other day. If you’re unfamiliar with it, I highly suggest you watch an episode or two to really appreciate the brilliance of Karl Pilkington. He’s my new idol now. He lives up to his moniker of being The Most Brilliant Man in the World. Karl’s insights into everyday life often leave people flabbergasted. Many can’t fathom that a person can be so utterly naive but I’m a firm believer in the fact that some people’s train of thought just doesn’t go to the same cities as most.
In honor of Karl I’ve decided to share with you a half hour inside my mind while I toil away with coding and programming. This isn’t quite a free thought exercise because I did have to come here and spend an hour doing the classic editing and dolling up before posting but it’ll give you a good idea as to why I don’t think like most. In true WordPress fashion I present my first random thought list….
- Why is it cute if a baby pukes on you but if you puke on a baby you’re vilified?
- There should be a Child Return Program for parents who have dysfunctional children. Not handicapped, just the persistently bad ones. You know the ones where no matter what you do as a parent they still are bad. They’re obviously broken so you should have the option to return them and get a loaner while they fix your kid. A loner with the option to trade in… yeah… I like that.
- There is no Ian, only Zuul.
- I’m tired of the Broadview Home Security commercials that show the “classic” damsel in distress with the lonely female or mother and child suddenly terrorized by a male burglar. Like dudes can’t and won’t get scared if someone broke into their house. Truth be told, as crazy as mofos are now I’d be kinda scared shitless if someone broke into my place cuz there’s no telling what they can or would do.
- Aragorn is a highly underrated actor. Just watch The Road.
- I like wontons.
- I think zebras were given a raw deal cuz really… where can they hide?
- I’m built like a treasure troll. Maybe I can be that for Halloween this year. All I need is a wig and a belly jewel. (Welcome to your worst thought of the day folks)
- Do secret documents really have the word SECRET scrawled on them?
- Professional Video Gaming, Golf, Poker, Darts and NASCAR are NOT sports FFS. They’re GAMES of competition, not physical sports. Sports dictates a a certain semblance of physical training and/or performance. While some may argue that you have to physically train for race car driving and golf, it’s a moot point when you see tubby bastards and old decrepid fuckers out there doing it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of skill training involved but you don’t see me trying to get the World Series of Web Design started, do ya? My field requires a lot of skill. How about World Championship Sketching? Get over yourselves already. You’re not athletes and you never will be. Your products of the media’s attempt to wrangle viewers for the idiot box. End of story.
- Nickelback is dope. That is all.
- Prunes get a bad rep. Perhaps it’s time they get rebranded as something else cuz when you hear the word “prune” you think of bowel movements and old people.
- Boobs rule. I dunno why. They just do. I’ve never really sat back and thought of why. I’m quite certain there must be some kind of genetic homing beacon embedded in there somewhere. 9 times out of 10 ladies catch a dude clocking her breasts and get offended. Ease up oh ye owners of the magic globes. It could be a heck of a lot worse. If staring at boobs was all about sex wouldn’t you think there would be far more crotchal staring going on? Imagine that the next time someone is staring and be thankful instead of disgusted.
- Note to self: Never shave the moustache off ever again. I look like a caramel chimp without my whiskers.
- Ever notice how “they” are responsible for so much in the world. Who the hell are “they”?
- 60% of the time my plans work all the time.
- Note to advertisers who want us to believe the supposed “real person” testimonials – hire people who don’t have bone white teeth. It’s kinda hard for me to believe a person’s comments are legit when I’m shielding my eyes from they glare off their teeth cuz we all know everyone in real life have shining pearly whites…
- Someone should really put Paul Walker and Channing Tatum in an arena and have them do battle with a pack of rabid badgers. No this isn’t a movie idea. I want this to actually happen. It’d be awesome. Chances are one of them would get mauled and die and I wouldn’t have to suffer their terrible acting anymore. A world without at least one of them would be a better one for you and me indeed.
- I still don’t know what the hell a hubris is and I refuse to learn how to use it in a sentence.