Overinformation: The Secret to Unproductivity

Overinformation. That’s right.

You won’t find that in Webster’s. It’s yet another word I’ve made up. I’m not only a Professional Dumbass but I’m also on the Board of Directors for Procrastination Incorporated. I’m quite certain my severe lack of book smarts leads me to get easily distracted by the shininess of the Internet. I’ve found that a good chunk of my time “working” is spent being sidetracked by a mind that thinks like a 10 year old and having access to any information you want instantly.

Good thing I’m my own boss. I’d fire my ass if I were employed by me.

In an attempt to display some faux intelligence I’ve developed a formula for my procrastination. Do I care if it makes mathematical sense or not? Of course not. If someone tries to explain the nuances of Algebra and Calculus I’ll just nod in agreement and put on my interested face as I start playing “Deep Cover” in my brainPod. Anyway here’s what it looks like:

(My Childlike Brain / My Music Taste) x ((Wikipedia + Google + IMDB) x ( YouTube + WordPress)) =  (Un)Productivity

So once again I’ve decided to take you all on a strange and beautiful ride on my Train of Thought as I cruise through a typical work morning. Mind you everyday isn’t like this. Sometimes I’m actually so hard core into the work sitting in front of me that I’ll start seeing the real world in pixels, but every so often I have an experience like this:

  • Throw on headset and start working…
  • 2 hours  into coding “Push it” by Garbage comes on. Halfway through the song I wonder if I just heard Shirley Manson say Push it. Make the penis go harder. That’s perverted kinda. Did she actually say that? I’ve never really paid attention to the lyrics. I’m quite certain she said that. I have to check the lyrics on that…
  • Open up Google in another browser tab and type in “push it garbage lyrics”. Dang. It says Push it. Makes the beats go harder. My lyrics make more sense. I wonder what Shirley is up to lately? Last I saw she was on The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I wonder if she ditched music all together and is acting now…
  • Google “shirley manson”. Hmm… lots of rocker pictures of the demented red head. She’s hot in a weird sorta way. Ah. The Internet Movie Database. Always one of my favorite sites. That should be able to tell me if she’s full time acting now…
  • Nope. She was just in the The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I liked that show. A lot of people bashed it but it was fun watching. Lena Headey was hot. Oh man. It must be the accent and the look. Not so much of  a fan of the tats but she has that “I’ll break you” look in her eyes. That’s provocative. Boy if I was rich and famous… and single… and in Hollywood… let me click through see if she’s up to anything…
  • Right on! She’s in that series coming on HBO soon – Game on Thrones. That looks like something up my alley. Reminds me of the good ole days of gaming. I should really try to rally some forces and bring the art of gaming up here to the north. There are tons of nerds up here. I just got to crack their tough business exteriors…
  • Just Can’t Get Enough” by Depeche Mode comes on. It immediately makes me think of Karl Pilkington. I remember him rocking out to that while in Mexico on that show An Idiot Abroad. That dude is trip. How can anyone be that clueless yet utterly brilliant? I heard he didn’t want to do a continuation to that series. I wonder if there’s any info on that…
  • Google “karl pilkington”. Ahh.. Wikipedia. They always keep up to date with stuff. 10 minutes into reading through his Wikipedia page “Putting Out the Fire” by David Bowie chimes in…
  • Hmm. That was such a perfect song in Inglourious Basterds. I’d like to put fire out with gasoline. That’d be like a huge fire…hehe. I wonder if Quentin is putting out another movie sometime soon. I rarely don’t not like his flicks…
  • Jump back to imdb.com. One of the headlines reads “Oh No! Jackass Star Steve-O Busted in Canada“. Oh lord. What has he done now? That nut. Busted in Canada, eh? I’m in Canada. I have to read this…
  • Outstanding warrant? Figures. That wasn’t all that interesting. Hey what’s this (as my eye glances to the Top News”)… “Could Will Ferrell join ‘The Office’ full time?“. Ha! That’d be hilarious. I have to read this…
  • After clicking through and reading the full article on E! Online I look down at my system tray and notice the time – 11:41 am. Dang! I just wasted about an hour browsing around and writing this post. Dammit! And I have to find a picture for the post too. Can’t very well post without at least one picture…
  • Google “procrastibnation” . Screw you Google. I know I misspelled it. I don’t need you to tell me that.  Stop trying to prove your intelligence to me. I’m not impressed. My finger slipped. You know what I was meaning. Just show me the bloody images…
  • 5 minutes into sifting through images I realize none of them suit me. I should just make my own. I am a designer after all, right?
  • Google “computer mouse”. “Rock Lobster” by the B-52’s comes on. Ha ha. This song is the worst most awesome song ever. Why am I listening to this? I heard they put out another album not too long ago. They’re old… but I like Kate Pierson. She’s a gilf for sure. Am I weird for saying that? I should find some pictures of her. NO. Stop it and finish your post!
  • 10 minutes later with “One” by Metallica shredding through my earphones I manage to finish off my crappy graphic and get it uploaded to photobucket. OMG! This is without a doubt one of the best metal songs ever. Old Metallica rocks! What the hell happened to them? They went to hell when Jason Newsted left. They used to epitomize cool but now suck so much ass. How can Metal Gods turn into mortal douches? Dammit. I hate the net up here. Why does everyone have to come online at the same time? Oh wait. It’s lunch time. Time for a break…

You see ladies and gentlemen, that’s how a typical morning can just get away from me. I’ve purposefully laced this post with more links than usual just to prove a point. If you’ve been here reading this and clicking through links I’ve posted and doing everything but what you’re supposed to be doing then you too are a valued member of the Corporation.

Remember. The only real recyclable waste is wasted time. Cheers!


10 responses

  1. Very good points. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I read an essay that tried to pinpoint what it was that people were more informed about in the information age and it couldn’t pinpoint anything. I think we just have more distractions preventing us from ever becoming an expert on any one thing.

    March 31, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    • Exactly. Mix that with an extremely short attention span and it’s the recipe for a work place nightmare.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      March 31, 2011 at 11:17 pm

  2. I think we all get easily distracted when we “work” on computers all day, Ian!

    I usually have CBC Radio on in the background, but tune out the “classical hours” (my dad likes them). Oh, that reminds me…I have to try out their new political “tool” (not our current PM!).


    March 29, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    • It’s my eternal nemesis and greatest love (sorry Suze ;p).

      March 30, 2011 at 11:05 am

  3. Amy

    Just one of the reasons why I love the tv show Raising Hope is that it gave me a new word: procrasterbation.

    You have procrasterbated masterfully in this post!

    Now, I’m off to re-read cause I’m sure I missed a link . . .

    March 29, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    • Ooooo I like that term a lot! I’m also digging the new Grav pic. *nyuk nyuk*

      March 30, 2011 at 11:07 am

  4. And that is why I think we get along. You “work” a lot like I do. I say that the greatest minds do their best work while distracted. It’s okay…we are geniuses!

    March 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    • We’re often misunderstood and always damned when we use our superior intellect for evil. 😀

      March 30, 2011 at 11:09 am

  5. Easily misled slacker…get back to work! (says your easily misled slacker wife…at work).

    March 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    • Meh… I’m gonna look for the Mantracker theme song…

      March 30, 2011 at 11:09 am

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