Losing my place in the line… to HELL

I’m not a nice guy.

Don’t let the devilishly good looks, intoxicating writing style, utterly unbearable aura of awesomeness and supreme humbleness fool you. I’m not saying I’m a bad guy, mind you, but I’m certainly not as “good” as I could be. Often I have thought farts that don’t make it to the blogosphere. I call them thought farts because no matter how disgusting a fart is you still laugh. You don’t want to but you do. They’re crude, rude and lewd and if said in public would bring forth a piercing sneers and jeers but muffled giggles as well. I say things people think about but don’t have the balls to say sometimes. I’m like a walking South Park episode. I find humor in almost anything. I make light of things other people take far too seriously. There’s a fine line between disrespect and comedy that people really need to learn about. I push boundaries sometimes but it’s all in good fun. I’m frighteningly politically incorrect and in some people’s eyes that’s a bad thing.

With that as the backdrop to this whole post, I fear I’m losing my place in line in Hell. Over the past 23 or so years I’ve strategically maneuvered my way down the queue.  There are a ton of people at the head of the line that I’ll never be able to get past but that’s okay. I just want a decent seat if I’m going to roast for eternity. Unfortunately moving up here has halted and, dare I say, even reversed my hard-earned progress. First it was volunteering my services at the animal shelter. Initially I only intended to build a website for them for free but now I’ve found myself walking and tending to dogs for the past 3 weeks. That’s not the kind of thing you put on your resume to Hell.

Then it was volunteering for a couple of activities during Toonik Tyme. There I was working long hours,  making friends with adults and mingling with children. Me. The supposed antisocial anti-child anarchist. As if that wasn’t enough, as of the past week I’ve found myself volunteering once again – this time at the Iqaluit Community Greenhouse – doing manual labor duties such as hauling soil and bedding planters. Helping the community and expecting nothing in return.

What the hell is going on? The now 23hrs of daylight must be baking my brain.

But then came the ultimate act that’s bound to get me kicked right out of the line completely…

A couple of weeks ago I was reading a few posts about a loving mother and her beautiful young daughter’s medical condition. Some of you may be familiar with my blend Thypolar. If not I urge you to cease reading my dribble and catch up with this fascinating woman’s tale. Her daughter, who creatively is referred to as (12), is an inspirational young girl who’s going through some physically and mentally taxing times right now. She’s a trooper that somehow manages to crank out a movie-star quality smile whenever the camera is on her. Some how… some way she managed to inspire the non-existent fluffy frilly side of my heart. I decided since I’ve been on a sketching roll as of late that I’d make something specifically for her. Not only would I send her the signed sketch (which I rarely do) but I’d digitally render a full color, print quality illustration of it as well.  She likes frogs and faeries so that’s what I’m going to make for her. I’m still debating on how to present it to her. I know Thypolar reads my blog and sometimes informs her kiddies about the well wishes and compliments they receive but I don’t think they actually see this blog.

Geez… I’d hope not. I live in fear of my parents keeping up with this much less underage children. *nyuk nyuk*

The recent Rapture-mania made me think about (12) once again so I finished off the sketch for the most part…

On a completely serious and out-of-character note, it saddens me that the flaming bag of douche who got the whole Doomsday craze rolling has gained so much notoriety meanwhile real people with real problems and real concerns like young little (12) remain anonymous. Sure I kid around a lot here, spout outlandish thoughts and spin interesting tales about my life experiences but I would hope people are intelligent enough to know when I’m playing the fool and when I’m dead serious. I’m very proud and honored to send this little wonder something I created. Sure, it’s just a piece of artwork, but if it puts a smile on her face or makes her day I’m happy. I’m actually experiencing a bit of anxiety about sending it because I want it to be just right. A 35 year old tough guy is intimidated by a 12 year old girl. Go figure. Every artist wages a constant battle with perfection. I know this picture is far from perfect and it makes my stomach turn on end as I constantly question myself whether its good enough.

Anyway before I start babbling again stop flitting around here and read something more interesting. Read up on her. Beam her and her lovely mother some positive energy and if you’re feeling really proactive, send her a card or something. Let her know there is still some hope for humanity and that we’re not all a bunch of trend-hopping stooges who go gaga over the stupidest things and neglect the people, plights and stories we should really be concerned about.

Stay tuned for future updates about this piece.

Love, peace and hair grease folks!


8 responses

  1. Beautiful picture! How sweet of you to do that for 12!

    May 23, 2011 at 8:11 am

  2. You lie, Mr. Etheridge…I think you are a nice guy, masquerading as a BADASS! I think I know Suzanne well enough to know she is too smart to marry a jerk…

    You drew a fairy…that’s not something that someone on the way to hell is likely to do, especially doing it for someone you have likely never met…

    You are a cat-lover…those guys are always big softies, despite their otherwise tough persona…

    Off to check out Thypolar’s blog.

    You are awesome, Ian, as a person, and as an artist!


    May 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    • You’re gonna ruin my gangsta nerd reputation Wendy! ;p

      May 23, 2011 at 8:11 am

  3. Jim

    As Thypolar said ” Your sketch for her is unbelievably amazing”.

    I wouldnt worry about loosing your place in line, Im sure your place is quite safe. 🙂

    May 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm

  4. Wow….Ian, you made me cry. I don’t cry easily. So many things to say…..

    Although I don’t show the kids the blogs that I read, I often read things that you guys write about to them. I share pictures and funny stories. I’ve shared the stories of your move and new adventures, as well as the pictures that you and Suzanne have shared. They’ve loved the experience and I thank you for allowing us to share in your journey!

    Since you’ve started sketching, I’ve shared glances into your work with them. They’ve all been blown away by your skill. My boys are gamers that have dabbled in WOW and other things. (12) just loves art. We are all truly impressed.

    Thanks so much for thinking of my family and especially (12). You guys have brought many smiles to their faces. Your sketch for her is unbelievably amazing. There should be no doubt in her love for your art. You have somehow managed to capture her without ever having physically met her. That, in itself, is breath taking. Thank you.

    May 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    • Anytime, my dear lady. I figure if I’m gonna get kicked off the line to Hell I may as well start jumping spots in the other line. 😉

      May 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm

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