No one cared who I was until I put on the mask

So it’s been a while since I posted anything. I warned people about this when I first started doing this. I’m not a blogger. I write a blog whenever I feel the urge to. Anyway so much to say, so little time. It’s been an interesting year to say the least. Lots of ups and downs – more so for my beloved wife than myself – but it’s been a rollercoaster nonetheless. Did some shit. Ate some shit. Lost some weight. Got sick for the first time in years. Manned the weapons console of a starship. Made more friends. Lost a couple to the cruelness of life. Made some enemies as well. Drove a skidoo without crashing. Rode down Canada’s longest zip line. You know another day, another adventure… good or bad. That’s how life goes. Never a dull moment.

It’s no coincidence I chose today to return to the wonderful world of the blogosphere. It’s early December which means I am supposedly supposed to celebrate my aging another year. I don’t believe in that. As I sit here listening to Jim Morrison lament about being lost in Roman wilderness of pain I celebrate surviving another year on this twisted and confusing planet. I’m still perplexed as to what I did to get sentenced to a life term here but be rest assured I’m going to keep filing my appeals to the Galactic Council.

I jest though. My life is no better or worse than the next person. Everybody deals with their own bag of drama and everyone views own their trials and tribulations as being more significant than another. Walk a mile in their shoes and what not. I spend my Nameday (and the days before and after) reflecting on my own awesomeness. I know. Some think I have a catastrophic ego problem but hear me out first before you judge. I always pontificate about my own awesomeness but there is sound reasoning behind it.

I firmly believe the only way to achieve true awesomeness is to envelop oneself with it. Drape yourself in it like velvet. Awesomeness doesn’t simply manifest from nothingness. You need to strategically and categorically place awesomeness all around you and inevitably it permeates right into you. I’m fortunate enough to have awesome in all of its forms surrounding me at all times. I have a mother and father who are always there for me. Family that hasn’t seen me in over a decade yet love me the same nonetheless. Friends who are blood to me and continue to amaze me each and every day. Two of the most annoying fur monsters in the world that I would utterly be lost without and of course, without question, the greatest friend/confidant/lover/competitor/motivator/inspiration/counselor a slightly deranged man could ever have in the form of my dear wife Suzanne.

How can I not proclaim awesomeness when I’m surrounded by so much of it?

I am what I am because of who I associate with. When I say I’m awesome, it’s a compliment to all of you who have been there and continue you to be there through thick and thin. As I celebrate my 9th annual 28th birthday I say thank you to everyone who is in my life. This is one of the rare times you’ll find me this humble so revel in it. The apocalypse is only a couple weeks away and I gots to get back into hardcore uber-cynical sarcastic mode.

After all, they were spot on about Y2k right so we gotta get ready?

Cheers folks.

Till next time!

That. Just. Happened.

That. Just. Happened.


I’m Versatile?

So as I was tooling around doing anything and everything non-blog related and I happened upon one of my less frequently checked email addresses. You know that address you usually sign up for everything with? Yeah. That one. I usually only log in once a week at best to clean up clutter but this time I’d been so incredibly caught up with the world around me that I neglected it for nearly two weeks.

After sifting through the multitude of WordPress messages threatening me to moderate my comments I came across an email from a blogger I haven’t spoken with in a fortnight. It was Dragonfae over at Among the Crystals, Dragons and Fae. She inquired about my well-being and politely informed me that I had been tagged in one of her posts.  An overwhelming amount of guilt washed over me at that very moment. Her blog used to be a regular read for me. She’s a kindred soul and we share the same humble beginnings in the blogging world. We both just wanted to put what was on our minds somewhere where people could see. Unfortunately a recent spike in my life outside of the Matrix caused me to neglect not only my blog, but hers and about a dozen other people I stalk– err… follow.

I’ve neglected my mistress of random unconventional observations  over at Fix it or Deal

I’ve forsaken the twisted writing of the force known as the Blurt

I’ve let the eloquently written tales from Herding Cats in Hammond River pass me by…

I’ve missed out on my little Thoughtsy growing up…

I’ve even been oblivious to the real-life joys, trials and tribulations of my dear lady Thypolar

I could go on forever but you get my point. Needless to say when she said she mentioned me in a post I was expecting to be burned at the virtual stake for blogging heresy.

Quite the contrary.

Instead of raking me across the coals for being an unfaithful blend I was actually christened with a bloggy award. In fact I was given the prestigious Versatile Blogger Award. I’d seen it around for quite a long time now but never expected it to grace my wall.  I thought about it for a bit. I wondered, do I truly deserve an award like this? A guy who hasn’t written a real post in weeks? A blog that often reads like a sociopath’s diary?

But then I realized where else can you get a recipe for Peanut Butter Muffins, look at custom illustrations ranging from serial killers to faeries, read movie reviews and indulge in random rants from religion to noisy neighbors. If that’s not versatile I dunno what is. So on behalf of myself and all the other voices that reside in my head, we thank you for the recognition.

Now on to my award duties. As a stipulation for accepting this I must:

  • Post a link to the Versatile Blogger who gave you the award. [DONE]
  • Share seven things about yourself that are not widely known.
  • Nominate at least five other bloggers.

Since I’ve praised my dear Dragonfae already I’ll just move on to the seven things not widely known about me. That’s kinda tricky. I’m sure I’ve had to do this for another award so I don’t know what I’ve said already or not.

Damn the voices..

  1. I used to have long hair. Well not 80’s rocker length or anything but long enough to have a Cholo ponytail. Yeah. Me with a ponytail. Drink that image in.
  2. Since we’re talking about hair not many know I used to have a flat top. Yup. I’m talking a sneeze under Kid ‘n Play height folks.
  3. A decade ago I couldn’t cook to save my life. Yup. I could burn water back then. Now I have people who can cook their asses complimenting me on dishes I’ve cranked out. Go figure.
  4. I’m deathly afraid of heights yet I have an insatiable desire to sky dive. I know. Paradox, right? I dunno what it is but I’ve dreamt about that since I was little.
  5. I tried to be a NYPD officer. Yup. Took the written exam when I was a teenager and everything. Course I took the Psych exam and got put on List B. They never call List B back apparently. I suppose that it turned out for the best. Can you imagine me as a cop?
  6. I lived in New York City for the greater part of my life and have never been to Coney Island. Is that wrong of me?
  7. I’ve never had a driver’s license but I can driver standard and automatic.

So now that I’ve divulged even more about myself that I probably shouldn’t have, time to nominate some peoples. Rather than double (and sometimes triple) award people I’m hopefully going to present these to first timers…

Rejoice and bask in the glory of being nominated by the Worlds Laziest Blogger!

Geek Zone Exclusive – True Blood & Pumpkins

I decided to ring my favorite holiday in early with a gift for geeks around the world. Yes True Blood fans, I present you with the vampire Bill Compton … PUMPKIN CARVING STENCIL. It’s free to download, print and use (barring any likeness issues Mr. Moyer may have to which extent I’d hope he’d be flattered with the representation and that HBO would appreciate the free publicity during their off-season).

It’s a thoroughly untested design (although it should work out fine) therefore I welcome any and all who end up carving a pumpkin with this stencil to send me pictures of the finished product at info [at] zenassassins [dot] com. I’ll proudly display them in my Mental Wasteland.

Enjoy my little freaky geeks. Who knows. maybe I’ll crank out a few more cast members before the big day.