Suzanne and I went out to dinner the other night. That’s becoming a tragically repetitive term nowadays. I can’t wait to have access to an actual kitchen once again. It’s cool to do the fine dining thing every now and then but we’re on a record pace for eating out going into our third week up in the boonies. Thank goodness for per diems.
Anyway, as we were deliberating over the events of the day we looked over the menu. There were plenty of selections to choose from – for me at least. Unfortunately the Caribou is out of season so I haven’t been able to try any dishes with that in it as of yet. They were also out of Muskox as well. What remained was a variety of red meat selections like t-bone steaks and New York strip loins. So I ended up settling on a Seafood Fettuccine.
When the waiter eventually brought my dish by I caught something out of the corner of my eye – a dirty glance from a older dude sitting across the way. He was feasting down on his bloody steak but managed to cast a somewhat disappointed glare at me for choosing what I assume to be an “unmanly” dish in his opinion. It’s not the first time I’ve received perplexing looks from people regarding some of my choices in life. Often people think it’s a compromise on my part because of my diabetic, bunny-hugging vegetarian wife but quite the contrary I make my choices because they’re what I like or want to do. So I present to you reasons why I’m not a man (apparently):
- I don’t care about cars nor do I know a thing about them – Yes ladies and gentlemen the son of an A Level mechanic has absolutely no interest in cars. About the only car I like is the Ford Mustang. Don’t ask what model. The one with the cool grill and makes a lot of noise.
- I don’t like beer – Oh yeah. Let the Canadians, Irish and Germans loose on me. I said it and I’m not taking it back. I can’t stand the taste of beer. It’s awful. It’s carbonated piss. I can understand if it were sweet or something but for the most part it’s bitter and disgusting. I do drink beer though (thank you peer pressure). Heck I can even drink a few people under the table. That doesn’t mean I like it. I like fitting in more than how it tastes and considering I’m in the land of the suds, I have to adapt to my surroundings.
- I don’t like beef – Yup. That’s right. Red meat just turns my stomach. I used to eat steak and what not many years ago but not anymore. Give me the choice between a thick, juicy steak and a grilled chicken the bird wins hands down. Chicken, pork, fish… pretty much anything that isn’t beef I’ll devour. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll put down a burger every now and then but you’ll never see me go gah gah over there being a strip loin on a menu.
- I like to cook – Apparently in some Cro-magnon circles it’s still considered effeminate to have skill in the kitchen despite many of the top world chefs being men.
- I listen to my woman – Yes. I actually listen to her. Listening to her doesn’t mean I do what she says like a little lap dog. It means I listen to her and know what’s going on in her mind. That way we don’t have to unnecessarily butt heads on the stupidest little matters.
- I speak nerdy and/or geeky – Seems to be that if you’re not up to speed on all your hip and trendy slang terms and wannabe-gangsta speak you’re not only uncool but some sort of wussy girly man. Oh well I apologize for not being a Twitter victim and not contributing to the dumbing down of society.
- I don’t wear logo littered clothing – Not only are your super duper cool if you wear Aeropostale, American Eagle (or any other top tier designer) clothing with their gawdy logos and branding pasted across their apparel but it puts you at the top of the alpha male hierarchy as well. While I do the bulk of my clothes shopping at Old Navy but you’ll never see me wearing any of their apparel that has their brand scrawled across any portion of it. I had always thought that fancy dressing was something the ladies did, but I guess I was wrong all these years. Looking simple and borderline grungy is apparently not dudely anymore.
- I like orchestral music – Not necessarily just the classics like Bach and Beethoven (although I do dig them very much) but more so movie soundtrack composers. Hans Zimmer, John Williams, Howard Shore, Basil Poledouris, Tyler Bates, James Horner, Michael Giacchino, Marco Beltrami. They’re all amazingly gifted composers and their music help define the movies more than the actors or director. Unfortunately if someone catches you grooving out to something like that you get the “are you gay” stares… not that there’s anything wrong with that. ;p
I tell you. If it wasn’t for the fact that I love women, porn, football, action movies and MMA I’m quite certain I’d see the torches and pitch forks of the angry mob in the distance. In any case, I am what I am and I like what I like. Perhaps if people weren’t so insecure with themselves they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
C’est la vie.