Posts tagged “star wars

Do you think there’s really any treasure here?

So here I am yet again, sitting at my computer locked in an eternal battle between utter exhaustion and overactive brain activity. My body is telling me to go to sleep but the 8am-sky-at-3am is telling my mind we have to be up for some odd reason. So what does one do when they can’t put two thoughts together for more than five minutes?

Start blogging of course.

I didn’t want to write anything earlier. I was perfectly content with penning my late night business correspondences but that became incredibly tedious. Like a true professional I got distracted and somehow I found myself organizing some directories on one of my work drives. Since getting my rig back into working shape I hadn’t really organized any of my files and folders so of course it was prudent to start doing this at 2 in the morning. I didn’t have any specific goal in mind but I sifted through the clutter anyway. I was taken aback at how old some of the files on this computer were. It was at that point I unearthed a treasure trove of old artwork I had completely forgotten about. I sat there for a half hour reminiscing and revelling in how good (and bad) some of it was.

Since starting my whole crusade to get back to drawing I thought it would be fun to treat my faithful to a humorous and eye-opening trip back into my artistic past…

We travel back first to 1998. This was probably my most active time ever as an artist. It was a banner year for me because not only was it did I meet my beloved wife, but it was my first love affair with Adobe Photoshop. A good friend of mine introduced me to Photoshop 3. He was impressed with what I was doing with just pencil and ink and assured me that this program would revolutionize my entire concept of artwork.

No words have ever been truer.

I had zero knowledge about how to use the program nor did I even have a graphics tablet. That didn’t stop me from grabbing the mouse as soon as it was installed and drawing this little guy. You can see my utterly stylistic use of that rather funky bubble filter. I really don’t know what was on my mind at the time. Okay that’s not true. Obviously I had eggheads, christmas and cigarettes on the brain. I had some sick fascination with those bug-eyed aliens for some reason. It’s a good thing I don’t obsess about stuff like that anymore…

I’ve always loved this picture though. It’s significance is monumental to me. It’ll always remind me of the first time I played around with the program I now use practically every single day for the past decade.

Prior to my transition over to digital artwork, I used to work exclusively with markers, pencil and ink. One of the last things I did, fully inked on paper, was this little work titled Misguided Youth. I made a digital re-imagining of this (that I’ll show another time) a few years ago but it never really captured the feel of this picture.

It fascinates me that I drew this. I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything (because believe me if I could do that I wouldn’t leave the house ever) but I just really admire the amount of time and effort I used to put into my artwork. I probably spent days working on this one. Sure it has its obvious technical flaws but it just boggles my mind how dedicated I was to the craft.

I think of how I work now and everything is rushed. I draw knowing it’ll go into Photoshop at some point and I can “touch it up”. Back then I didn’t know about digital illustration. I had to bang it out in one shot and try to make as few mistakes as possible. I wish I had that patience still. I guess I’ve just grown complacent and lazy thanks to the power of Ctrl+Z.

One day I’ll regain that level of commitment… but it’s gonna take a pretty big power outage for that to happen.

Go back a little further to 1997 and I was still toiling away with pencils and ink. I was never quite an art pencil type of guy. I had shelled out $125 (which was a lot at the time) for a Rapidograph graphic pen set that had 8 precision sizes and wasn’t about to waste anymore more money on pencils. I figured if I couldn’t sketch with a good ole’ No.2 then I shouldn’t be drawing at all.

Anyway I came across this piece and it shocked me. I studied it for a while and was in awe of how detailed it was. I can even dare say it’s far better than anything I do now. Some disagree but it motivates me nonetheless to get back on point.

I had totally forgotten about this character. Her name was Celeste and she was my vision of a lost Jedi knight. She wasn’t for a game or anything. I just liked Star Wars and was pissed that there weren’t any hot female Jedis so I made one. Although Leia had minor force powers she was in no way a Jedi. I wanted to see a kick ass, lightsaber wielding broad so thanks to having an incredible amount of time on my hands and a vivid imagination I created her.

I loved drawing women. What dude wouldn’t? You ladies out there really don’t realize what remarkable pieces of art you are. No matter what shape or complexion the female form inspired me to draw literally hundreds of pieces of artwork.

Unfortunately for me I have no idea where the paper sketch of it is. The scanned copy is all that I have to remember how good I used to be without technology.

The greatest treasure though came in the form of this little sketch that dates all the way back to 1982. I had no idea I was drawing at that young age. A pretty toxic romp through the teenage years robbed me of a lot of childhood memories so this gem is priceless.

Apparently I was only 7 when I decided to bust out the drawing skills. If I remember anything I know I was all about GI Joe. I had dozens of the toys and would be latched to the television when the cartoon came on. My favorite character was always Stormshadow. If you don’t know your GI Joe, let me tell you that he put the cool in being a ninja. He wore white when every other ninja wore black and his whup ass switch was stuck in the ON position. He was awesome before I ever ascended to those heights so obviously I had to represent by making a rendition of him.

I’m impressed with his arsenal. My Stormshadow is packing tons of weapons on him. I’m not quite certain how effective some of them are. That arm knife looks kinda like a syringe but who cares? It can still take an eye out. He’s even got child-sized nunchucks in case he has to beat down some kids. Most of all you can’t beat the scowl on his face. He’s downright menacing. If you saw that coming you’d be frozen in fear.

I honestly thought I didn’t really start getting into drawing until I was about 10. Finding this has shed some light on a childhood I struggle to remember constantly.

I hope you enjoyed my little trek through Memory Lane. Not many artists are willing to show off their humble beginnings. I’m a firm believer in remembering what got you to where you are today. These, and so many other pictures, help me recall the days when I had absolute passion for the craft.

One day I hope to get that fire back.

Breaking News – The Jolie Uncensored

The Jolie caught engaging in lude behavior with the Bloom during her Arctic vacation
February 21, 2011 3:12 a.m. EST

By: The Frosty Bear

(DTN) – We’ve all watched as the Jolie’s path of mayhem blazed a trail across America and straight into the Canadian north. After having a rambunctious outing in New Brunswick, the Tomb Raider’s travelling circus hit the road once again, this time heading to near the top of the world  in Iqaluit, Nunavut. She wasted no time shacking up with her kindly hosts Ian & Suzanne Etheridge. Lucky for her she arrived during Super Bowl week. She had no hesitation joining in the hardcore football flavored festivities and wasn’t shy about being in front of the cameras.

After all she is the Jolie.

However after the dust settled, the chips eaten, the alcohol consumed and the Packers crowned champions of the football universe, I got a lead on something that would blow the roof off anything and everything we’ve come to know about the Jolie. I was approached by two gentlemen who told me they had exclusive information about the Jolie’s illicit affairs while in the capital city.

The two men wished to remain anonymous so I met them at an undisclosed location near where the Jolie was staying. The individuals, who had been living with the Etheridges for several years now, claimed that the one time World’s Sexiest Woman had been engaging in activity unlike anyone has ever seen before. We had suspicions when we saw her flirting with various shady characters throughout her travels but no solid infidelity claims could be made (sans some heavy petting issues that she’s cleared up in several press conferences). What these two whistleblowers promised me was clear-cut evidence and a guaranteed DTN exclusive.

Initially I thought it was yet another desperate attempt at wannabe fame-seekers trying to gain their 15 minutes in the spotlight. However after meeting them face-to-face I saw immediately that these men were dead serious. We met atop a platform with lighted floors that served no practical purpose to discuss their accusations. Apparently they had bore witness to several questionable acts by the Jolie and guaranteed they could provide us with the 411 on how to catch the scoop. One of the men, a former Republic employee spoke with me one-on-one.  The longtime resident of the Etheridge household went on the record telling me about the first few days following the Super Bowl.

“It was awful. We’ve always known our place here. While we don’t pay rent we contribute to the household in some way. Sometimes it’s standing around posing for guests. Other times it’s entertaining their cats. That woman… wow. I have no words. From day one she’s been taking advantage of every little personal freedom she can – with reckless abandonment. She drinks hard liquor, swears constantly, raids the refrigerator on an hourly basis, bullies everyone when Ian & Suzanne aren’t around and gets her dirty little fingers into everything. If something isn’t done soon I’m not so sure how long my Padawan and I can stay here.”

The Jedi first lead me to a location where they knew the Jolie would be. We arrived in time to see the Jolie confronting what appeared to be the Bloom near a broken down tenement.
Weapons were drawn and we were certain there would be bloodshed but apparently the Jolie respected the Bloom’s awesome man tunic and spitfire attitude so nothing ended up transpiring… for now.
The next day the informants tipped me off to where the Jolie was once again. We observed from a distance while she covertly met with the Bloom over by the Shelf of Oddly Stacked Books. My tipsters left me own my own to survey the area while they tended to important business of their own.
Coincidentally a few minutes after they left two other former Republic employees showed up at the scene and met with the Jolie as well. What are the odds of this many Jedi being in Iqaluit?
The quartet headed down to the local Table with a Runner and quickly setup shop for an impromptu dominoes session. The bones, candy and money flowed freely as the Jolie seemed to have the drop on her fellow gamblers.
After a few rounds of dominoes (and cleaning the two Jedi out) the foursome dwindled down to a twosome. I followed her as she made her way to the Storage Room. She managed to scale several stories without a rope and hit payday when she ended up on the Liquor Level.
She and the Bloom proceeded to drink the day away. Love was in the air when the Bloom graced her with a fancy (and expensive) pair of kamiks.
Before long it was quite obvious where this was all leading. The two of them headed up to the Bloom’s Shelf-top Highrise apartment.
I swooped in close enough to catch this exclusive footage. Watch out Brad! It’s the Jolie Gone Wild!
Needless to say we all know what happened next. You saw it all here on Dystopian Times North first folks!

The editors, writers and staff here at Dystopian Times North and The $#!& I Think About would like formally declare that the opinions, stories, and names depicted in this article are purely coincidental and have do not reflect the behavior and/or demeanor of Angelina Jolie, the actress, whatsoever. She is a kind, loving and nurturing mother who is an active member not only in her community but in communities around the world and is an Ambassador of Goodwill to all. She is a wickedly talented woman with a heart of gold that would never sue a person for poking a little fun at a demented little representation of herself. Right?

One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess…

At long last I bring you the final chapter of the Rolf trilogy

Rolf had been making fewer and and fewer appearances as the weather progressively got colder and colder. With our move to Nunavut official now we once again began to doubt whether we’d be able to bring him in to the shelter. One night I was struck with a brilliant idea. I figured we’d go out and get him a collar and attach a note to it. The theory was that if he did have an owner they’d see it and remove it and see the note. I knew Rolf got around a bit so I had to make sure it could last through the rigors of day-to-day Rolf life…

I put tape on both sides of the note to give it a little bit of protection from the elements and wrapped it around the collar. Sure enough a couple of days later Rolf showed up and we fitted him with it and he vanished again into the night after eating his meal. The plan was in motion.

Rolf made guest appearances the following couple of weeks. Each time he’d show up we’d check to see if he still had his collar and if anyone may have removed the note. No luck. Finally this week we came to the decision that we’d invested as much time and effort as possible trying to find out if he had an owner and made a vow that we’d take him down to the Humane Society the next time we saw him. It’d been at least 2 maybe 3 weeks since we put the collar on him so we extended well past the reasonable doubt period.

He ambushed us last night on the way in from grocery shopping. Still no luck with the note so I fed him and told him to stop by tomorrow and we’d take care of him. I went out early today and put his food out as usual. I shook the dish and made sure I made enough noise to draw his attention.

Rolf was a no show.

He ditched me. I was a little disappointed that he didn’t heed my words and conceded to the fact he’d be MIA again for another week or two. So it was business as usual once again. Suzanne and I went out in the afternoon to price some arctic gear and take  care of some errands. Didn’t take too long but we arrived back home only to be greeted by none other than the cat, the myth, the legend known as Rolf! It was later in the day – in other words warmer – so it’s no surprise he was out and about looking for a meal. Suzanne and I looked at each other and said “let’s go”.

We had considered putting him in a carrier but he’s such a lovable guy we kinda knew he’d have no problem in the car. He dug it actually. In fact he handled being cage-free a lot better than our two babies. Yeah he voiced his concern a couple of times but for the most part he was either hanging out on my lap of checking out the sights from every window. It was a short trip to the Kitchener Humane Society so while Suzanne went in to check if there was room and handle the paper work, I hung out in the car and took some parting shots of him…

In the end I feel like we did a good thing for him. It was getting rather cold (like 5c and below the past couple of nights) and he did appear to have some relatively fresh war wounds on one of his ears. I’m sure he had fleas and more than likely had worms. The Humane society will get him checked out and take care of his injuries and aliments before they put him up for adoption. He’s not rabid and I seriously doubt he has any terminal transmutable diseases so he’s in the best hands possible. It’s recommended that if you have a missing pet you go down to the Humane Society or animal shelter first to see if they have been brought in so we did our best for the little guy. He has a roof over his head now and will get the medical treatment he needs finally (and hopefully a nice bath to make him all fluffy and soft). With those eyes and that loving demeanor he’ll get adopted in no time. He’s highly personable.

A part of me is sad that he’s gone now. I’m going to miss his little purrs, the way he’d show unconditional affection and play as though he didn’t have a care in the world. I’ve been questioning myself constantly since we brought him in but deep down inside I know it was for the best. I closed the door to the cat house in a symbolic gesture (but more to prevent any other would be strays from gracing our presence in the coming weeks). It’s sad that I’m far more proactive with taking care of animals than even people. I guess that stems from how genuine animals tend to be. They don’t fake emotions or try to deceive you. What you see is what you get. If only humans could be the same way…

Cheers Rolf! May the Force be with you.

You probably don’t think I’m a very nice guy… do ya?

Movie bad asses.

That’s been on my mind for some time now. Every once in a while I watch a movie that has a character in it that leaves a helluva impression on me. It’s not so much that I admire them or want to emulate them (course going postal on my upstairs neighbors could be very therapeutic) but more rather I appreciate the character’s cinematic completeness.

What the hell does that mean?

Villains have been a staple in movies since the images first started flickering on the big screen however not every villain can be considered an certified badass. No offense to old flicks and actors, but let’s be real… while they paved the way for the development of big screen acting, they were still pretty horrible when you compare them to actors of later generations. They were overly dramatic (and understandably so considering most came from theater backgrounds and you had to act that way on stage) and too unbelievable for my taste. Perhaps if I grew up watching them then I’d possibly consider some of the old school characters, but I’m not a dinosaur so to hell with anything prior to the 70s.

Anyway… back to “cinematic completeness” mumbo jumbo. In my book, a character needs to fall into the following criteria:

  1. The character needs to be well developed within the confines of the movie –  I don’t wanna hear about books, screenplays or tangent publications that further the detail of the said character. It’s a director’s job to pull that off in the movie. A good villain shouldn’t have his entire story explain in a few sentences. He/she should be complicated enough to leave room for speculation yet leave no doubt as to how bad ass they actually are.
  2. The character has to have superior dialogue – What’s the point of being a memorable movie villain if he/she doesn’t have some memorable lines. I’m not talking cheesy lines either.
  3. The actor must own the role – Nothing’s finer than seeing an actor (or actress) almost convince you that they are that character. Not everyone can pull that off but those that do are forever immortalized. If you can see someone else in the role of the character in question then that character wasn’t owned.
  4. The character has to be bad… I mean really bad – I’m so sick of the villain-with-the-heart-of-gold theme. A badass should be a badass all the way to the end. You have to be able to look at that character and say…”Damn… that’s a bad muthaf*cka”.

It’s rare to find a character that hits on all four points but here are a handful of characters that deserve some recognition for being – in my own estimation – real deal movie bad asses. They’re in no particular order so don’t think of this as a Most Baddest poll or anything like that)…

Otis Driftwood

...I am the devil... and I'm here to do the devil's work...

Otis DriftwoodThe Devils Rejects
Actor: Bill Moseley

Some could argue about this choice or the fact that I say it hits on all four points but there’s no denying how ruthless he is.  Those familiar with Rob Zombie’s characters will remember him from House of 1000 Corpses. In that Otis was branded more as  a militant mass murderer than a serial killer. Rob had many developmental issues with the studio during the course of filming and  I’m sure he sacrificed a lot of creativity just so he could get it on screen.

That all changed when he got his dirty little hands on The Devils Rejects. That was pretty much his baby and he had free reign to take the characters wherever he wanted – and did. The beauty of the character (I know… just doesn’t sound right saying beauty in conjunction with serial killers but oh well…) is that a lot is left to speculation about his past. All we find out about Otis, according to the movie,  is that he kills on a whim, likes tighty whities,  and revels in mindfucking people. Rape, pedophilia, necrophilia, murder… nothing is really out of Otis’ comfort zone. That in itself is a good basis for a badass villain but it’s Bill Moseley’s performance that makes Otis that much more creepier.  Some of you may remember him from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 where he played “Chop Top” Sawyer.  It was a god-awful movie but any true horror fan has to appreciate him in that and may recognize traces of Otis in that performance. Bill took the character of Otis to an all new level of crazy. He wrapped himself up in that role so much that at times it makes you wonder if he’s really acting or just being himself (Sorry Bill. That’s my way of saying you put your heart into that).

If you haven’t seen the movie or don’t like any of Rob Zombie’s work, who cares. See it anyway. If you’re a real movie fanatic you treat them like a Chinese buffet and take what you want from it.

The Joker

Wanna know how I got these scars?

The JokerThe Dark Knight
Actor: Heath Ledger

No I’m not a bandwagon jumper.  I believe in giving credit where credit is due and I thank Chris and Heath for purging the memory of Jack Nicholson’s Joker from my mind. I’ll say it… I was never a fan of Mr. Ledger.  It wasn’t so much that I hated him or his acting – he just never stood out to me. Even playing the gay cowboy didn’t really knock my socks off… not that there’s anything wrong with that. Australia is known for putting out good actors (don’t count Mel… he’s crazy and was born in NY so he’s not a real Aussie) so I knew the potential was there. He just needed a good character and director. Unfortunately this role would be his last but boy was it a memorable one. I can’t say I was an avid Batman comics reader but I knew enough about it to know The Joker was a villain that villains were supposed to fear. Chris Nolan and Heath brought that to fruition when the Dark Knight was came to the big screen. I was real hesitant about all the hype surrounding Heath’s performance and went into that theater looking to continue on with my unimpressed streak regarding him.

I’m glad I went in looking to pick that role apart because it made me appreciate what he did that much more. Here you have the Joker – a criminal with no conscious that has an affinity for dressing a bit eccentrically. Simple enough premise but it’s the writing, dialogue and of course the acting that sends that character to a whole new level. In a make-believe world where dressing up in costumes and what not is the norm, the Joker seemed to bridge that gap between comic book campiness and real life macabre. He’s the kind of guy you wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to see on the 11 o’clock news and that’s what made him stand out from all the rest.

Russell Edgington

You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children. Now time for the weather. Tiffany?

Russell EdgingtonTrue Blood
Actor: Denis O’Hare

You either love True Blood or you hate it and if you love it you have to love Russell Edgington. Yeah, I know. Not a movie villain but that’s what makes him so great. Now here’s a character that’s a bit less grounded in reality than some other villains but leave it to the fantastic acting of Denis O’Hare and creative (and often humorous) writing in bringing this seemingly impossible character to life. Many of the deviants in True Blood tend to be a bit over-the-top (which I enjoy) but Russell takes the cake.  A 3000 year old vampire with severe emotional issues, a serious lack of conscience, a big fat zero on the morals index and temper that can’t be matched. Oh I forgot to mention that he’s also a megalomaniac, suffers from delusions of grandeur and – on top of it all – is a bonafide sociopath. It’s awesome television for those who delight in depravity.

The Eclectic Russel Edgington was introuduced in Season 3 and boy did he make an impact. At first glance he didn’t appear to be more than yet another egotistical socialite vampire but as you got to know more and more about him, only then could you appreciate the sheer twistedness of this individual. He’s about as complex as a giant ball of knots and crazier than Joan Rivers. To describe his demeanor wouldn’t do it any justice whatsoever. If you really want to experience it, watch the series. If you already know about him, soak it up. The end of the season is fast approaching. You won’t get another dose of Edgington for almost a year.

Clarence Boddiker

Bitches. Leave.

Clarence J. BoddikerRobocop
Actor: Kurtwood Smith

Where the hell did I dig him up from, eh? True, Robocop was as campy as hell (and we’re talking about a late 80’s movie here so that’s like campy squared) but I hold a soft spot in my heart for this guy. Even surrounded by poor acting and even worse writing, somehow the character of Clarence Boddiker worked. There was nothing flashy or outrageous about him in the movie but I tend to appreciate the little nuances. Kurtwood (probably best known as Red on That 70’s Show) has made a career on being the scruff, no nonsense guy with the awesome  super-nugget head. However getting to be the nemesis in this set him loose as far as being a bastard is concerned. There was nothing you could like about Clarence.  He was a murdering, lying, scumbag from beginning to end and you gotta appreciate that. Kurtwood took  pride in belting out some of the priceless lines he has throughout the flick and at points, you really loved to hate the guy.

Crappy movie aside, next time you find yourself up at like 2 in the morning and Robocop is on… kick back and soak in his performance. You’ll be surprised at how sinister he actually is in it. Perhaps he should be just an honorable mention in the list but who cares… bad is bad.

Col. Hans Landa

May I smoke my pipe as well?

Col. Hans LandaInglorious Basterds
Actor: Christoph Waltz

Congratulations to the Academy for finally getting it right for a change and giving a stellar performance its rightful dues. We all know Tarentino. His movies always produce characters you’re bound to remember. Jaw-dropping dialogue and outrageous storylines are his trademark but with  but this time he took it to a whole new level. I can’t say I put this movie in the same echelon as Pulp Fiction but it has its moments. What stands out most for me is the incredibly disturbing performance by Mr. Waltz.

Nazis are always a great foundation for movie villains. Col. Landa was particularly ominous because he rarely had to physically demonstrate how intimidating or nefarious he was.  Highly intelligent and uncomfortably calm, he’s the kind of person that would flash a warm and welcoming smile right before he runs you through with a saber or shoots you between the eyes. Christoph somehow manages to convey that feeling of untrusting intimidation to perfection. Again, to try and use simple words to describe the vibe he gives just doesn’t work. If you don’t care to watch the whole movie, just see the opening sequence.  It sets the tone for the whole movie.

Patrick Bateman

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

Patrick BatemanAmerican Psycho
Actor: Christian Bale

I had to watch this movie a few times before I could really appreciate it. I’ve yet to read the actual book (from what I hear is totally deranged) but I have to say the movie itself was entertaining primarily due to then relatively unknown Christian Bale’s performance.

Patrick Bateman is crazy.

No seriously. He’s get-naked-smear-yourself-gore-while-rocking-out-to-Huey-Lewis crazy. He’s also delusional,  a perfectionist, a possible paranoid schizophrenic and a narcissist to boot. Mix all that together and you have the making for a wild ride in Insanityville. The selling point of the whole journey is following along side him as he descends slowing into depravity. Bale broods. That’s what he does but he goes into a whole new realm of menacing with his cold lifeless stare-downs and wildly erratic screaming fits. It’s one of those roles that he, as a method actor, must have really switched the sanity button off for a while in order to pull off some of the scenes. Not the greatest movie in the world but definitely worth watching if just to sit in awe of his utter madness during the course of the move.

John Doe

I visited your home this morning after you'd left. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir... her pretty head.

John DoeSe7en
Actor: Kevin Spacey

Ooooooooh man. What can I say about this that hasn’t already been said? When I first saw Se7en I thought it was an awesome movie all the way through. Great story, gritty cinematography and a pretty damn good pairing of Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt. Serial Killer movies have always sent chills down my spine because that shit is real. There really are people out there that are that twisted and malicious and can very well live right next door to you. You always hear it on the news… “Oh he was a nice guy”.

Uh huh.

Little did you know he was pickling people in his basement while dressing up like Bea Arthur and singing show tunes to his cocker-poodle.

Anyway, the serial killer premise set the tone for the entire movie. Slowly and painfully you get to learn more and more about this mysterious individual commiting all these hainus crimes. By the end of the movie you’re kinda expecting to see some wild haired jungle freak that’s foaming at the mouth but instead you’re presented with perhaps the most frightening alternative – Kevin Spacey. Let’s be real here. Kevin Spacey is probably one of the most underrated actors in Hollywood. He kills it (no pun intended) in pretty much every roles he takes on… but the man is terrifying. He’s terrifying because he’s unassuming. Maybe it’s his voice or his diminutive stature, receeding hairline or piercing glances that do it. Heck it’s probably all of that. All I know is that he gives my wife nightmares and would probably make me feel uneasy if I ever met him in public. That’s not a shot at him as a person or anything, just a tribute to his phenomenal acting ability. If you’re able to convey that level of fear without so much as raising your voice, that’s talent.

John Doe (as he’s referred to in the movie) has no past. Has no identity. Has no real motive for his actions other than being inspired by words and passages from the bible. His soft spoken demeanor and utter disregard for any consequences for his actions make him probably one of the scariest movie villains of all time. What seals the deal for me is the fact that he doesn’t even really make a solid appearance until the last 20 – 30 minutes of the movie. If you can make that kind of mark in that little time that’s a fantastic, well written, well acted villain.

Darth Vader

You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!

*Darth VaderStar Wars
Actor(s): David Prowse / James Earl Jones

Notice the asterisk I have next to this one? His nomination comes with a catch. I only recognize Lord Vader as being a unquestioned movie badass only in A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. Mind you I’m talking about original release New Hope and ESB (not the crap they’re trying to perpetrate as the only Star Wars nowadays).  He started turning into a wussy little douche in Return of the Jedi so I tend to ignore him in that movie. I don’t even acknowledge the prequels so let’s not even go there. Hearing “PADME….. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” just makes me feel like I was punched in the gut by a large angry man.

I, along with many others in my age bracket, had the privilege of seeing A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back when they first came out in the pure untouched forms. There was no denying Vadermania swept over the world. Everyone loved Vader. Why? Because he was a badass.

What made Darth Vader a badass?

For starters he was huge. He looked like a damn pro wrestler the way he loomed over people. Secondly he had the most tremendous voice in cinema. Everyone knows James Earl Jones’ iconic voice and it was the perfect fit for such an intimidating character. Match that with him saying some of the most memorable (albeit cheesy) lines in movie history and he dominated the screen whenever he was on. Not to mention the fact that he was black.

C’mon now. Vader was black. You all know it. He wore black. He sounded black. You were all disappointed in RTOJ when he had his mask removed only to reveal some frail old white dude. Don’t deny it. ;p

Most of all Vader didn’t take any shit from anyone. He’d kill you in a heartbeat and wouldn’t even have to raise a hand to do it. There was enough mystery around Darth Vader to keep people speculating about his past for decades. That’s what made him cool. Vader became what you as an individual wanted him to be. It’s all about letting your imagination go wild.

That all came to a crashing end when Mr. Lucas decided to tell you exactly what happened to him. In my opinion that singlehandedly killed the Vader legacy and dispelled the mystique around him. He was no long this ominous villain that inspired and compelled millions.

He became Hayden Christensen.

Nuff said…

[Disclaimer] Any and all images in this post were plucked from various sites using Google’s image finder. If you are the rightful owner of any of the said images and would like them removed please let me know and I’ll do so immediately, otherwise take a chill pill and enjoy the free publicity. No harm, no foul.