Posts tagged “twitter

Speak No Evil


After a long deliberation period that has taken the better part of this decade I have decided that I’m going to phase out speaking to people.

Why take such a dramatic course of action one might ask?

Well it’s not a decision that I prefer, just to set the record straight. 9 times out of 10 I’ll express something perfectly clear only to have it met with a “huh” or “pardon”. At first I thought it was just individuals questioning my responses but over time I’ve found that people just seem to have a problem just understanding me period.

It’s as though I speak with a mouthful of rocks or something. It’s very gut-wrenching when you reply to something and get that lovely smile and the “I have no fucking idea what you just said but I’ll nod in agreement anyway” look. I don’t mumble and I’m quite certain my speech isn’t impaired (at least when I’m not drunk) therefore I find myself grasping at what it could be.

There are many factors that could be the cause. I have a New York accent that even after a decade away from the Big Apple I have yet to shake. Not that I want to mind you. I’m actually quite proud of my vernacular. It’s distinct enough to be easily detected yet I can actually say talk and coffee.

I also stutter occasionally, stammer more than I’d like and often get caught up searching for the right word. I’m frighteningly sarcastic but the wiring between my brain and mouth must have been done by a blind chimp because I struggle to convey even the most basic things sometimes. I don’t sound like a clod all the time though. Heck some people have actually deemed my particular brand of oratorical dumb-fuckery as being “very cool” or “really mellow”.

For me however, I’ve just grown very weary of everyone not understanding what I have to say. My mouth apparently can’t keep up with my brain therefore I am abandoning speech and sticking solely to writing from now on.Writing makes me appear smarter and wittier than spoken words could ever accomplish. Besides it’s easier to appear intelligent when you don’t have to open your mouth. I can edit what I have to say, Google things I’m not 100% sure about and correct my flubs with the wonderful power of a spell check.

I can be the intellectual I want everyone to think I am.

I’ll eventually slap a text-to-speech app on my computer so that those who still wish to talk to me can have a true Stephen Hawking-like experience. Now if you think this concept is a little off the wall, wacky or just plain weird think about it next time you’re Tweeting or chit chatting with someone on Facebook. How well do you really know a person if you haven’t physically spoken to them? They could be a Professional Dumbass just like me.

This message has been brought to you by the Foundation for Old School Friendships.

“They’re not a friend unless you’ve had dinner at their house or they at yours”

(If you think I’m a fool now, listen to this)

Advertisements

Back from the dead…


Sadly this post has nothing to do with zombies (Sorry Amy).

I’ve been away from the blogging scene for quite a while now. I had checked out mentally months ago when we found out we won two free tickets to Ottawa and arranged to head down in mid August. Combined with the stress of dealing with my usual clients, working 25+ shifts at the animal shelter and making the rounds as Iqaluit’s newest social bee I quite literally had no desire to blog.

That’s all changed now that I’m sitting on a nice breezy balcony watching the a few willowy cotton ball clouds slowly float across the tree line. Trees! I forgot how much I missed them until I got back here. People take them for granted. I can’t say I’ve actually been longing to see them but it’s kinda one of those things you really don’t pay any mind to till it dawns on you. While Iqaluit has many breathtaking sights and sounds nothing quite beats watching the rhythmic sway of trees as their vibrant green leaves rustle like pom poms in the wind. It’s therapeutic… especially after the past month I’ve had.

I’m not a big “we gotta do something while on vacation” sorta guy. I hate planning. I’m all about let whatever happen just happen. We spend so much time plotting and planning in our everyday lives why would you want to do that on your time off? I didn’t plan on blogging today. Hell the biggest thing on my agenda for the day is sorting out what to have for dinner later. I’m blogging because for the first time in months I’ve felt like it. Didn’t feel obligated. Didn’t feel pressured into it. Just felt like running my mouth. Unfortunately, yet again, I’ve neglected blends and blikes in my absence. I apologize for that. I’ll probably play catch up eventually.

So what have I been up to?

I got set up with the Twitter a couple of months ago. The jury is still out on that. Can’t say I’m a fan of it but I have been using it more than I thought I ever would. Interesting depot for dumping random thought and anyone who knows me well knows I have plenty of those. I still find it to be an incredibly clunky way of communicating but there’s no denying how quickly news spreads (if you can sort through the tweetspeak gibberish). Cheers to all of you twits out there who actually try to use proper grammar. It’s a seemingly lost art form so thanks for keeping it alive.

Let’s see what else… oh yeah I shut down a puppy rescue and made women cry. It wasn’t my intention, mind you. Seriously. I like animals more than I like most people. Everyone knows that. Unfortunately I started working at the shelter at the wrong time and I have a mouth like a bear trap. I know I mentioned a while back that I needed to start offsetting my goody-two-shoes deeds as of late but I never saw this bit of potential infamy on the radar.

Those who have kept up with the Nunavut blog know I’ve been doing quite a bit of volunteering at the Iqaluit Humane Society. For those who don’t know the back story in a nutshell its Nunavut’s first and only animal rescue shelter. To put that into perspective crack open Google maps or a look at a globe and see the area the territory of Nunavut covers. That’s a huge claim to fame. It’s been around for over 5 years now and has rescued the lives of more than 1200 unwanted, abandoned or abused pets in that span. It’s a pretty remarkable feat considering it’s a non government-funded, not for profit organization run entirely on volunteer manpower. They’ve always teetered on the edge of collapse because of this but always managed to pull through.

That was until Big Bad Ian came along.

When I burst onto the scene my wife and I discussed getting involved with some of the volunteer efforts up here. Coming off the heels of the Mighty Rolf Rescue we made right before coming up here, it seemed like a natural fit for me to help out at the shelter. As a new jack with fresh energy I came into the organization with high expectations and a bevy of ideas. The IHS had a potential for greatness but the fact it seemed mired in its own inability to move forward irked me. The deck was stacked against the society in more ways than one. The city and territorial legislation provide no protection for canines, there’s an overwhelming lack of public knowledge regarding responsible animal care, the volunteer pool was insufficient, the dog population is on a steady unwavering rise, and even our own bylaws were flawed. There was no way the shelter could keep up with the ever-increasing demand for services because it was not geared towards sustainability. It was kind-hearted volunteers and a super dedicated board of directors pouring their hearts and souls into a bottomless well.

I ended up donating web space and a domain name to them so that I could construct a website for the shelter. I felt in my heart that they weren’t taking advantage of the vast pool of support out there by not having an online presence. Months later, after establishing a website, a somewhat successful Facebook page and a Twitter account I thought we were on track to break that elusive threshold of public anonymity. Volunteer contribution was hitting rock bottom due to the transient population so I committed to an obscene amount of hours working there in an effort to push the organization over the hump. I couldn’t remain silent about the factors that were working against us though. My intention was to push the society to change with the times and grow along side the city.

The society ended up having to face the sobering reality of the situation at hand. I, along with several other core volunteers, were slated to leave on holiday around the same time and the shelter literally didn’t have the people to come in and do what it takes to keep that place up and running. We needed to restructure our gameplan and treat this operation like a legitimate business instead of just a volunteer effort. It was unfair to the territory, city, community, animals and even ourselves if we couldn’t provide the kind of consistent care needed therefore the board decided to shut down operations on August 9th.

While the prospect of restructuring was welcomed with open arms by all the volunteers we joked openly amongst ourselves how “Ian killed the shelter”. I felt kinda wretched at first. I put on a happy face and played up the “lighting a fire under us” aspect but deep down I was stressed out beyond belief. While we were thankfully able to get our current shelter residents shipped out to responsible and caring no-kill rescue shelters in the south, every day we remained closed meant a disturbing amount of dogs were going to be put down. You see as I mentioned before, Nunavut is the only province or territory in Canada where animals aren’t protected by the law.  In a city where the stray dog population is disturbingly high and majority are put down in the local landfill it makes having a humane society a vital resource. One that I aided in getting shut down. I was of the Spock mindset that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few… or the one. I felt that the sooner we could get our shit together the more we could save and continue to save unhindered.

Easy to say but hard to deal with the consequences.

Thankfully our ridiculously cool mayor heard of the closing and brought the IHS before the city council the same day we officially closed. We pleaded our case for having a better facility, actual staff members, funding and training. They acknowledged us as a vital city resource and pledged to help us however they can by establishing a work group to coordinate with us on all of our points of interest. We, as a society, decided to revisit our own way of operating and have begun reconstructing from the ground up forming committees to handle the many aspects of running the society. Since the time we closed there has been an unprecedented amount of media and community interest, the latest being a news broadcast about our plight.

We have roughly 3 months to get our plan into relaunch squared away otherwise we will remain closed. That’s a helluva burden I feel weighing on my back every single day – even while on vacation. Some of my pit crew chums (that’s what we call the dedicated guys and gals who bust their humps walking, feeding and cleaning up after the pups every single day) tried to thank me for pushing so hard to make these changes happen. Only time is going to tell if my being a unyielding pain in the ass is going to be for the good. If the shelter ends up reopening and becomes the self-sustainable city resource I know it can be, then I’ll be happy to have done my part for making it happen. If not then I could possibly be the one of the most hated people in the city.

Nothing like a bit of pressure, eh?

I’ve never done anything for the society with the intention of receiving praise or accolades. I could care less about that. I love animals. I love people who love animals. It honestly just tears me up inside knowing what happens to these creatures on a daily basis. I just want them to be cared for and given the fair shake any animal down south is allotted. We can’t do that if we can’t dig our heels in and be the institution we need to be. The first and only animal rescue shelter in Nunavut. That’s a lot of responsibility. We’re in the public’s eye more than ever now and have the means and opportunity to push forward like never before. It’s just matter of getting that monstrous ball rolling down the hill.

I always say it’s always better to do something and risk failure than to do nothing and guarantee it.

Time for a shot of Maple whiskey. 😉

Love, peace and hair grease peeps.


How long does it take you to make a simple post?


So it’s June 6th and no new posts until now. Way to stay on the ball there, Ian.  I’m a victim though. An unfortunate casualty of being a multi-tasker with a short attention span. I rarely post anything on weekends because blogging  (for me) is a time-consuming task for me. I daresay it comes eerily close to being work sometimes. I spend more time editing, tweaking and dolling up a post than I do actually writing it. But then again getting the many bits and chunks of my thought chowder into the bowl can be an effort in itself.

So what better way to post than to post about how long it takes me to make a post…

  • 9:15am – My task starts today with my Monday visits to my blogroll. I need to read so that I can get my brain jump-started to do my coding. I’m starting to feel the oppressive thumb of the blank calendar pressing down on my forehead so I’m going to make a post today… but what about? I’ve had tons of though vomit over the past couple of weeks but would any of it be worthy of a post? Why not write about how long it takes to make a post? I started the post a couple of weeks back but it only got as far as a title. Takes too long to write a post so I had left it. I figured I’d come back to it eventually…
  • 9:43am – Read more blogs than I originally set out to and noticed that I was missing a couple of key elements on my own. I usually make my Facebook rounds while I’m catching up on WordPress and realized I never put up a badge for my work page. Being the true slacker I am I haven’t checked the status of that page in a couple of months. To my surprise I have enough fans to actually get a legit Facebook page name. I can’t very well go and post without updating that first…
  • 9:56am – With the page badge added and other nick knacks tweaked it’s time to image hunt. Can’t very well have a post without at least one picture. Shouldn’t be too hard to track one down related to the subject matter….
  • 10:27am – That took far longer than I wanted but I found something worthwhile. Now I can upload it to the bucket and get to writing. Damn. Morning business emails are starting to trickle in. Have to tend to those first. Plus Suzanne and I are currently trying to hash out some personal business via email. I wonder if this post will get out before noon…
  • 10:59am – Just sent out a flurry of replies to business associates, still conversing with Suzanne while trying to write this post and get work done at the same time. I’m getting the uneasy suspicion that I’ve done a post exactly like this before. I have to check. My memory is for shit…
  • 11:07am – Okay. It wasn’t exactly the same but pretty close. That one talked more about how easily distracted I get during the course of a work day. Course that’s kinda what’s happening here too. Sheesh. Tracking that down was hard. For a person that balks about not writing enough I’ve written a lot. I really need to go back to my older posts and reformat them slighty. Not right now of course. I have to finish this bloody post off. Damn the perfectionist in me. Uh oh… another reply from Suzanne. Gotta read and respond….
  • 11:20am – Had to break out the calculator for that email. I hate math. Oh well there seems to be substantial enough content to justify a post. Time to spell check. Lord knows I’ve been a typo tornado in comments as of late. Don’t want to muck it up here as well….
  • 11:23am – 12 errors? Really? Trust me people, I’m not a complete idiot. I just can’t type. Seriously. 12+ years in front of a computer and I still rock the 6 fingers typing style. It’s getting close to lunch. I have to do my last minute formatting and preview it…
  • 11:28am – Damn. Lots of caveman speak and Twitter grammar. Need to clean that up and make it somewhat coherent…
  • 11:36am – Okay. That makes a bit more sense now. You suck balls spellcheck. I found a couple of errors you missed. You were going to just go and let me post that and look like a total fool. I’m onto you. Dammit! I forgot tags. I suppose I should add them now…
  • 11:43am – Tags entered. One more check before I publish… and I still don’t know what the HELL is a Wang Chung and why I would want to do it tonight?? Damn you iTunes…
  • 11:48am – Looks solid but chances are I’ll find something after publishing. Oh well. Total time consumed making this post:  2 hours 33 minutes. Awesome.

How long does it take any of you to make a simple post? 😉


I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!


There’s one thing about blogging that I have a hard time stomaching. It’s some of the pretentious self-righteous supposedly socio-conscious wanna be authors you find here. I suppose they’re common in every blogging community but it’s sad to see so many getting notoriety for it. It’s bad enough that you see more and more professional bloggers from radio stations and news outlets getting pressed but every now and then we get some know-it-all who likes to slather on a dictionary of complex words to try and mask the fact they’re talking shit. It gets downright intolerable when you sit there and watch a bunch of drones pander to them in a shameless show of self-promotion just because they’re on the front page.

Let me steer the ship back on course before I run aground on another Freshly Pressed rant.

I’m all for people speaking their minds but sometimes it seems as though people are being rewarded for ignorance. Who am I kidding? That’s the standard in society now. We reward stupidity and denigrate the wise. That brings me to the chewy center of my rant. I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of “shit or get off the pot”. It’s a lovely little quote from the movie Clerks II but has so much relevance in the way people present themselves nowadays. Everyone wants to be a crusader, an advocate or spokesperson for whatever platform they’re supporting. I have no idea what’s with all the self-righteousness going on as of late. Maybe my disdain for people in general has made me oblivious to this trend and it’s been going on for longer than I realize. Either way it’s in your face more than ever now. With all the Twits, Facebookheads and blahgers out there now everyone feels the world has to know their political, religious, health care, or environmental beliefs.

People bitch. That’s expected. Supposedly it’s everyone’s God given right… if you believe that sort of thing. What really grinds my gears to hear people complain about things they won’t lift a finger to change themselves. It’s annoying to see people preach about being green and saving the world while they’re texting on their iPhone cruising around in their Honda CRV. Or how about the people bitching about how much they don’t like Breast Cancer Awareness marketing and profiteering knowing they’ve probably never even read a pamphlet about prevention or tossed a penny towards any research. My favorites are the political nutjobs who swear they know all there is to know about how to cure the ailments of their country and lambaste anyone in office because they’re “not getting the job done” meanwhile they won’t move any further than their monitor to make something happen. Seriously people if you’re not going to do anything about a matter, why complain about it? Why criticize others as though your shit smells like Cinnabons? If you’re out there doing your part to help the planet or your fellow man do you really need to be recognized for it? Isn’t the deed supposed to be the reward?

There’s a little Canadian girl that few people know about who’s a shining example of my philosophy of shit or get off the pot. Some of my fellow Canucks might know the name. Hannah Taylor. She’s the founder of the Ladybug Foundation, an organization that helps the homeless and fights against hunger and poverty. Hannah is 13 years old. She founded the organization when she was 8. Words can’t even begin to describe the amount of respect and admiration I have for this little girl. She doesn’t want accolades or recognition. She just wants to help people who are less fortunate. That’s it. It’s inspirational and gives me some faith that at least some of our youth aren’t going to grow up and turn into a bunch of whiny holier-than-thou procrastinators like you find all to often as of late. If you don’t know anything about her, stop reading my crappy blog and check her website out.

What were you doing at 8 years old?