I’m getting a little fed up with how trendy being a geek has suddenly become. Big Bang Theory is one of the most popular sitcoms nowadays. ComiCon is suddenly THE place to be for all things “cool”. Fantasy books are all the rage. Technology is hip and happening. C’mon! Gimme a fucking break. As if we’re about to forget the centuries of malicious torment people have put us through for our eclectic tastes.
Yes I say we.
I belong to an exclusive club that was formed long before man became civilized. When the monolith suddenly appeared on the rocky outcropping, we were the ones scrawling pictures of it on the cave wall while the others beat each other to death with bones. Geeks and Nerds banded together to bring forth the Renaissance. Who else would question the world being flat? We accidentally triggered the Spanish Inquisition and Salem With Hunts because people came across some of us LARPing in a fields. And yes, we united with the Nerd Brotherhood once again and brought you the Interwebs. They wanted to prove it could be done, we wanted unlimited access to porn.
We do not take kindly to people referring to themselves as geeks. The first rule of Geekdom is that thou can not call oneself a geek unless thou art christened a geek by a geek. Just saying you’re a geek gives you no credibility. Your actions and words must be deemed worthy by a geek of equal or superior heraldry. We recognize, protect and govern our own.
You must also realize that we geeks have many clans. We can specialize in various areas but rarely more than three or four at a time. Anymore would tread upon the hallowed ground of Nerdom. A Geek-of-all-Trades is an often coveted but rarely obtainable position. Techies, dweebs, movie geeks, lit geeks, tv geeks, comic freaks, fanboys (or girls), trekkies, LARPers, video gamers, deadheads, gearheads, potheads, vampers, roleplaying gamers, bunny huggers, tree biters, non-hostile celebrity stalkers, impersonators, mimes, geographers, professional wrestlers, chefs… we go by many names. I am an artist and a movie geek which gives me an almost archon-like position in our caste system. Though I have not achieved the rank of “Movie Geek of Epic Proportions” I strive towards it daily. Not a day goes by where movie dialogue doesn’t filter its way into my conversations. I am a quote machine and have an uncanny knack for recognizing actors before they were famous and predicting if they’ll skyrocket (Hi Jessica Alba – Remember Flipper?). My redundant movie knowledge qualifies me as a living breathing IMDB which makes me utterly awesome at parties.
Tread carefully when you refer to yourselves as a geek ladies and gentlemen. The real geeks out there don’t take kindly to your fly-by-night trend whoring. We are proud of who we are and dread having the bandwagon tip over from all of you jumping aboard. Do not sully what has taken us a millenia to cultivate. We like what we like because it makes us happy. Not because it’s cool. It’s always been that way. Always will be.
Piss off and get your own culture.
I’ve been inspired by personal awards that have been handed out recently. So inspired in fact that I have decided to infect the world with my own sick taste. I thought long and hard about it… but I was working at the time and started seeing the world in code (like Neo in the Matrix) so my mind wandered. I thought about it again but then I got to playing a video game and once again got distracted. Later on it popped into my head but then I got hungry and that distracted me from my world domination plot again.
FINALLY while I was in the World’s Greatest Thinking Room, I was hit with my idea like a bolt of lightning. Later that night I sketched my vision on paper. I scanned it onto my computer and began the painstaking process of inking it in. After hours of backbreaking labor a creature emerged from my screen that was both deliciously beautiful and utterly ridiculous. I thought to myself yet again, how I can I use this monstrosity to my advantage.
The answer came to in the form of this…
The Patient Zero Lifetime Achievement Award (For the Promotion of All Things Zombie)
I love the zombie genre. That’s no secret. This is my gift to my fellow zombie lovers out there. But alas, just bestowing an award to someone who likes and/or appreciates them isn’t enough. I want there to be more talk, more information, more stories about the undead on the internet therefore the conditions for giving and receiving this award are as follows:
- If you are the recipient of this award and have dedicated at least one post in your blog to zombies, the undead or anything about the walking dead then you are truly one of the infected and have the power to award this gift to two other bloggers of your choice. Make a post announcing your utterly awesome achievement and name your two victims.
- If you are the recipient of this award and have NOT written anything about zombies in your blog then you must dedicate one post to nothing but zombies. A legit post. Not a “I hate zombies” or “Zombies rock” two paragraph announcement. A real post folks. I don’t care if it’s a story, news, a movie review, book review, creative fiction, or whatever. Entertain us! Once you have done so you will have officially infected the internet with more zombie goodness and can reward the gift to others. Make a post announcing your super fresh award and name your two victims.
My rules are simple yet be mindful of who you corrupt. Not many will be willing to participate so you have to know your intended victims quite well. Since I am essentially patient zero (aka zombie-geek-speak for the first zombie that starts an epidemic) I am choosing two fellow lovers of the macabre as my first victims. They have very eclectic followers and I’ll find it very intriguing to see how far this goes. So without further delay I present the first winners of the prestigious Patient Zero Award:
Congratulations ladies. Go forth and spark a pandemic like I know only you two can. Cheers!